Monday, December 6, 2010

Chain of Command

I spent 26 years in the greatest canoe club in the world - the United States Navy - and retired as a Master Chief Radioman. Like all organizations there was a chain of command that you had better adhere to if you wanted to survive. It worked when I was in the Navy and I'm sure it still works the same way today. So here is the REAL Navy Chain of Command:

Admiral - Leaps over tall buildings with a single bound. Is more powerful than a locomotive. Is faster than a speeding bullet. Walks on water. Gives policy guidance to God.

Captain - Leaps short buildings with a single bound. Is more powerful than a small engine. Is just as fast as a speeding bullet. Walks on water if the sea is calm. Talks with GOD.

Commander - Leaps short buildings with a running start. Is almost as powerful as a small engine. Is slower than a speeding bullet. Walks on water in indoor swimming pools. Talks with GOD if special form is provided.

Lieutenant commander - Barely clears little huts. Lose tug of war with small engine . Can fire a speeding bullet. Swims well. Is occasionally addressed by GOD.

Lieutenant - Crashes into buildings trying to leap over them. Is run over by small engines. Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self injury. Dog paddles. Talks to animals.

Lieutenant Junior Grade - Cannot recognize buildings. Recognizes small engines two or three times. Is not issued ammunition. Can stay afloat if instructed in Mae West. Talks to walls.

Ensign - Falls over doorstep when trying to enter a building. Says"Look at the Choo-choo" when locomotive passes by. Not allowed elastic for his slingshot. Plays in puddles. Mumbles to himself.

Chief Petty Officer - Lifts tall buildings and walks under them. Kicks Locomotives off tracks. Catches Bullets in teeth and eats them. Freezes water with a single glance. He is GOD.

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