Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Merry Tacky Christmas

No other American holiday season can be more tacky than Christmas, except maybe our commercial conception of Easter. The tackier the better and I truly embrace this lovely tacky Christmas we have today, especially outdoor decorations. Nothing expresses tackiness as well.

I’m not talking about those all white electric hangings a lot of people are doing now-a-days, these I think are our way of praying for the icicle look of winter. No, I’m talking about the wild blends of colored electric lights and electric lit miscellany that comprise our tackier outdoor scenes. Christmas allows us to take outdoor decorations to real tacky extremes.

A good example takes in the whole house and front yard, must double you monthly electrical bill and be bright enough to rival a fully lit up airport:

White icicled eaves, windows and doors framed in colored lights are just the start. Now electrify all those winter bare trees with blue lit trunks and red lit branches. Wrap up the holly bushes with red, blue and yellow. Add electrified candy canes along the drive-way and garden paths and don’t forget to make a fence of them along the front perimeter. Now put a penguin on top of the camel; have Santa cavorting with the Three Wise guys; and mix up the Reindeers with the Holy Family. A electric pink flamingo adds Florida class and a Santa waving Merry Christmas helps. We’re getting there, but we’re not tacky enough just yet. For real tacky we need to add a few of the newest additions to Christmas - inflatable plastic! Add a Snoopy riding his snow covered house, a plastic globe with a snowman inside, a couple of inflatable Christmas trees and we have it. Real Tacky!

I love it! I couldn’t stand Christmas without outdoor tacky! Love tacky, enjoy tacky, embrace tacky and wait for Easter - it’s even better - it’s tasteless tacky!

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